Teletubbies, England and I
by TomatoFairyGodmother
Summary: Written in America's P.O.V for the fun of it, heh. In which, America sees that the Teletubbies are having a concert in England! He begs dear Iggy to take him, and he, reluctantly, agrees. They have lots of lulzy times and America finds out something surprising about the Brit. Slightly cracky, and chock full of puns! Mmn, puns.


**Gahh, I don't know. I think I might've been high without realising it when I wrote this... But, oh well. Enjoy what my mind came up with. **

**Basically, I went on "The Almost Totally Random Pairing Generator" and the first one was Egypt/Seychelles - Orgasm denial. I was like LOL NO and moved onto the next one, which happened to be America/England – Foreplay and Sex in Public. **

**This got me thinking, and hey. It wouldn't be to out-of-character for these two, I guess. **

**It's in America's POV, a little heads up. I don't own him, England, Hetalia or the Teletubbies. And about the concert, that's just something I made up, heh. I don't know if they're really having one. Sorry.**

**One thing that I should probably let you know – I'm not actually American myself. I actually spell colour with a 'u' even though America doesn't. I hope that doesn't bother y'all that much in this fic, but I can't help it. It's natural for me. **

**Yeah. So, uhm. Yeah. I know it sucks, but eh~ I tried. It's probably one of the shiniest turds I've ever produced. **

**Happy reading, mates. **

**PS – I've actually never seen the Teletubbies. Wait – do they even **_**do **_**concerts? Shit. Well. Uhm. **

**EDIT: No. Way. This cannot be happening. Halfway through the bloody thing, my computer just decided to shut down on me. Most of the stuff was lost. Wow. **

**EDIT #2: Holy moly, this is **_**long.**_** And even though it was **_**meant **_**to be a one-shot, it became so long that I had to post it in parts. Stay tuned, I guess. The next Author's note won't be as long, heh. If there even is an A/N next chapter.**

**X**

To say I was surprised at him was an understatement.

Now, boys and girls, you'd believe me if I told you that England was a major perv, right? Yep. Of course you would. Because I'm a hero, and heroes don't lie.

Well, anyway. As his hand started to slowly make its way up my thigh, he flashed me this look. This really super 'I'm horny' look. And it felt like his eyes were staring right into my _soul_. He tilted his head ever so slightly, eyes half lidded, and I had to look away. I let out a shaky breath – but don't get me wrong! It was still a manly breath, trust me! – And ran a hand through my hair, calming myself. I needed to focus, boys and girls.

Why? I bet all you peeps are disappointed that the sexy times are not happening yet. Don't worry though, my fellow pervy friends (Like England who's a major pervert but I discussed this earlier) – I _wanted _to start sexing England. Like, right then and there. There was only one minor problem.

The both of us were waiting in line for tickets to the Teletubbies. Y'know. Like, in public.

Before y'all start judging me here, I'm gonna interject. LOL, I learnt that word from England when he was yelling at me once. Pfft, he thinks he's so proper with his fancy words and weird accent. But, he isn't proper. Because he's a major pervert. Wait, haven't we gone over this twice already? Start listening, dudes!

I forgot what I was meant to be saying. Oh, yeah. The Teletubbies. Don't _you _start hating on me too. I already have the other countries snickering at me behind my back. Usually when they do that I just flip them the bird and say "Hater's gon' hate," but that's not the point. The point is, that... That.. Well, there's a point, I swear. I just haven't thought of it yet.

It's not funny, either! So what? I like the Teletubbies! I don't care if England's the one who made the show, if I want to watch a show then I'll watch a show, dammit! It's not like I squeal or make un-manly noises when Tinky Winky comes on screen, either, okay? Gosh! Just for the record, the one time that I _might _have squeaked was because he was wearing a tutu. That kinda thing is funny, right? RIGHT?

...I sounded really defensive just then, didn't I?

I guess for this story to make any sense, I'll have to rewind a little. It started late one afternoon when I knocked –cough_pounded_cough- on Iggybrow's door, a flyer clutched in my hand.

**X**

"Oh, hello, Amer-"

"ENGLAND OH EM GEE YOU HAVE TO TAKE ME TO SEE THE TELETUBBIES BECAUSE THEY'RE HAVING A CONCERT AND I WANT TO GO SEE THEM AND IF TINKY WINKY IS WEARING A TUTU I THINK MY LIFE WILL BE COMPLETE~!" I cut him off halfway through his speech because I'm heroically heroic like that. And I was so excited, I thought I was going to pee my pants.

Iggy just gave me a quizzical look. Heh, I learnt the word quizzical from him, too. Then I made this joke about quizzes being quizzical and tests being testicle so he told me off :(.

"...The Teletubbies?" He asked me, opening the door wider so I could get in. Hey, no fat jokes, okay? "What... Why on Earth...?" As I hopped – yes, hopped, that's how freaking excited I was – inside I shoved the flyer under his nose, forcing him to read the title.

_Teletubbies Never-Before-Seen Concert Taking Place in England on the 24__th__. _

"Dude! You so have to take me!" He still looked confused, and I rolled my eyes while I jumped onto his couch. I was about to start eating the food that was on the table, but I stopped myself. Not because it was the wrong thing to do, but because I remembered that this was England's house. Full of nasty Marmite and shit.

"H-hey! Get your feet off the coffee table, you git!" Crossing his arms like the little prissy he is, he walked over and sat next to me. Bitch, please. I didn't move my feet.

"Englaaaaand!" I whined in my totally awesome way. "Stop getting off topic! Are you going to come with me or what? Yes, or yes? Ha, ha! You don't really have a choice. See what I did there? See? S-"

"Shut up for a minute!" My plan was working. I figured, hey, if I annoyed England enough, maybe he'd just give up and take me! ...Wait. That sounded wrong. I meant, like, take me to the concert. Not like... put his penis in me. Heh. Yeah. He read over the rest of the flyer, and I could see he was snickering slightly. Great, now he's going to start laughing at me, too! I thought I could trust him, you guys. D:

The silence was deafening me.

"...Well?" I said, softer this time. But it was still pretty loud. Because I'm awesome.

"I don't understand," he said, quirking (another word England taught me) a gigantic eyebrow at me. "_WHY_ do you want to go to the Teletubbies, and _why _do you need me to go with you?" I laughed at him like the answer was obvious. I guess it was funny because usually I was the one who didn't understand something. N-not that I'm slow, or anything!

"Duh, dude!" I used wild hand gestures because that's what _real _men use. And gay guys, but that's not important. "I need you to come with me because I don't want to be the only grown-up there surrounded by little kids. I'm not a pedo!" He scoffed when I said 'grown-up' but I didn't think much of it. I knew if I asked him what was so funny he would just insult me.

"You still didn't answer my question." Negative Nancy bitched. "Why do you want to go?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Giving him a 'WTF don't you understand?' look, I continued: "It's like, my favourite show. Evar. Why wouldn't I want to go?" And then, guess what happened? If you guessed that he laughed at me, you get a free hamburger from yours truly. Because, he actually did that. He _laughed. _He actually laughed at me! I crossed my arms, frowning. "What? What's so freaking funny?"

"Wow, America," I stuck out my bottom lip when he smirked at me, "I always knew you were a child in an adult's body, but this... This is taking it to a whole new level."

"Shut up! At least I don't get off to imaginary fairies and unicorns, pervert!" His eyes narrowed when I said that in my awesome hero voice, but he didn't yell at me like I thought he was going to. With a glare in my direction, (I could make a joke about One Direction but I can't think of anything) he turned to the thin air to speak to it. Don't ask, dudes and dudettes. I don't even know.

"No, no..." He started to pet the air. "Flying Mint Bunny, you're not imaginary. The bloody fool has no idea what he's saying, poppet." So he _was _a pervert! He never denied that he didn't get off to them, hehe. Oh. Did I mention I did all kinds of LMAO when he started to place little kisses to the _air_? Because I did. And It was funny.

"Dude! Dude~!" Gah, why wouldn't he listen to me? I snapped my fingers in front of his face, and he finally turned back around after having whatever fantasy he was having with the air. "Take meee, England, take meee~!" I hated being reduced to begging, but I think it worked. I didn't know why his cheeks went that weird pinkish colour, though. Stupid England – it wasn't even hot in here!

"U-ugh. You're such a brat." Danny Downer whined. (LOL. See what I did there? Like, 'coz he's a downer? I don't think I need to explain it 'coz I bet y'all are a bunch of smarticles, but whateva. I'm America, I'll do whatever the fuck I want. I'M A FREE COUNTRY!) His cheeks were still pink, and it was actually really funny! "But fine. I'll go with you."

"That's like, totally awesome, dude!" Giving him the thumbs up I struck (Striked? Stroke? Sorry about my English guys, it's not my first language. American is my first language.) the coolest hero pose, like, evar. It was awesome. And it should've made England hard and throbbing by the pure sexiness of it.

For some reason he wasn't hard, though. H-heh... I'm sure he was just hiding his obvious lust for me, guys!

Oh. By the way, France is the reason I know what lust means.

Please don't ask. It's not pretty.

Anyway, where the hell was I...?

"...You've been spending time with Poland, haven't you?" That was England, in case you couldn't tell.

"Whatever. I bet you're totally jelly." Jelly is slang for jealous, just in case you can't keep up with my advanced speech 'n shit. Yeah. Oh, and because I wanted to troll him, I added that extra 'totally'. Just because I'm that badass, y'all.

He just rolled his eyes, looking all British and stuff. There was a brief moment where we just looked at each other, the silence hanging around the air as if it owned it.

Then we both just started laughing. I mean, it just happened (That's what he said, am I right or what?). The situation wasn't even that funny, too. I was thinking, 'Why the hell am I laughing?' but my brain thought otherwise and was just like, 'Trololololol'. Damn you, brain!

Is it possible to be trolled by yourself? Anyway, back to the story. We were all laughing and stuff, yeah?

Well. When we had finally stopped laughing, we both sighed. His eyes scanned over the Teletubby thing again, before his eyebrows came together. It looked pretty funny, because he has _huge_ eyebrows. It was as if a caterpillar was sunbathing over the area that his eyebrows were meant to be.

Wow, what a weird way to put it.

"Hmm," Putting a hand to his chin, he rubbed it softly while he thought. I was about to LOL all over the place and tell him that what he was doing looked incredibly stupid, but he started talking again before I could. "The tickets, aren't they...?"

I tilted my head. "Aren't they what, dude?"

"Aren't they going on sale tomorrow?" My eyes squinted for a second, before they widened. I bet I looked like a deer stuck in headlights, ha ha! But, no... Like an _awesome _deer stuck in headlights. Fuck yeah.

"Oh..." I laughed nervously, but it was still heroically nervous. "Yeah. I forgot to tell you that part."

He groaned and ran a hand through his hair. "...You twat." When he said that I was totally confused. Why was he being mean to me all of a sudden? Dude, not cool. You can't just activate your douchebag mode whenever you feel like it, England!

"What? What's wrong?" Sighing, he stood up and started to walk. "H-hey! Don't just ignore me, yo!"

He grabbed his coat. "Do you have any idea," he paused all dramatically, and I was almost going to comment on how he'd been spending too much time with the ever-dramatic France. Almost. "How popular the Teletubbies are in Britain?"

I shrugged. "Uhm... No?" It sounded more like a question than an answer.

"People are probably already starting to camp out there, now." He sighed again and shook his head. "And if we don't get there soon, they'll run out of tickets." Now, that caught my attention. I jumped up off the couch in a totally heroic way.

"Dude, are you serious? Let's go, then!" I pushed him forward, trying to get him to move. Then he gave me this totally scary look so I stopped touching him.

Hahaha, touching him. I _wished _I was touching him in that way. But I wasn't, I was only shoving his back.

"Do you have a hamburger for a brain or something...?" My eyes narrowed as he said that. Low blow, yo. LOL rhyming. "We'll have to be there. All night. The tickets go on sale at around nine o'clock tomorrow."

"...And?" I was getting frustrated. I would definitely _not _be happy if some snooty little kid took the last ticket because they got there earlier than me.

"Don't you get it? What, you figured we'd just sleep in my car? I think not." Gosh! Why was Arthur being so bitchy? He was treating me as if we were married or something!

"Fine! Then, what do you think we should do, hmm? Oh! I have an idea~" My voice was smothered in sarcasm. Like, the words were practically dripping with it. Mmm, sarcasm. I wonder what it'd actually taste like. "Why don't you bake us some bed-sized cakes?" I went in for the joke about England's terrible cooking, waiting for him to ask why so I could drop the punch-line.

"Alfred, please. I know you shovel food in your mouth like a garbage truck, but I highly doubt you'll need _bed-sized cakes_ to satisfy your hunger for only about half a day." Hot damn, dude. That had burnt like hell. He gave me this smug little grin, like he was saying, 'Ha! I beat you!' and I frowned. I'm America, I don't get beaten, dammit! ...Except in the bedroom, boys and girls. But that's a totally different story.

"No, I didn't mean it like that!" I said, maybe a little too defensively. Well, who cares? I was totally going to pwn him with my incoming insult. "I said it because I meant we could sleep on your cakes~! Get it? Because all of the cakes you make are hard and tasteless, just like a mattress! Ha ha ha, England! Need some ice with that burn?" Okay, shut up. I know it wasn't my best joke. It had just sounded much, much better in my head. My mind may also have wandered when I had said 'hard and tasteless', but I kept it in line. I wanted those tickets, so bad! Wouldn't want to screw it up by sexually assaulting the guy who was hosting the concert, am I right?

"Shut up. Just come and help me." Iggy started to walk up the stairs, and I followed behind him curiously.

"What'cha dooooing?" I said all American-ish and smoothlike. He didn't respond to me, he just turned into his bedroom. This made me LOL so freaking hard, and I called out to him: "Hey, England! I know I'm irresistible and stuff, but this isn't the best time for fucking. Maybe later, though! First, we need to get those tickets!"

And, even though I couldn't see his delicious face, I knew he was blushing. I knew I'd one that round, so I smirked and walked into England's room with as much swag as I could muster. And holy crap, his room was neat.

"Jeez, how d'you keep your room so clean?" The thing that caught my eye most was that bed. It was right there, smack-bang in the middle, mocking me. The sheets looked at me as if they were screaming, 'America, come lay down on me! Feel how silky I am on your skin, America! I want your hot body all over me, America!' Anybody ever get that feeling before? No? Just me?

...Awkward.

Well, anyway. I wanted to lay on that bed. That beautiful, dark blue, satin, four-post bed.

So, I did. Why? Because I'm America. I do whatever the fuck I want to – but y'all already know that, huh, boys and girls? I didn't even care to think about how I basically got seduced by an inanimate object. That was irrelevant. I kicked my shoes off and jumped on, grinning.

England had been fumbling through his closet at the time, so he didn't actually see me climb onto his bed. I held back all my LOLZ and waited, striking a seductive pose. Yep, that was totally the only reason I wanted to pose on his bed all sexily and stuff. For the lulz. It's not like I wanted to seduce him or anything. No way. I bet his face would be epic once he came out of the closet and saw me like that!

...Wait. That sounded like he was going to confess to being gay, haha! I didn't mean it like that, boys and girls. But I see what I did there. Gosh, I even make puns without realising it!

"Hmm..." I heard him say from the closet. "I can't find it."

"Find what?" I was still striking my super sexy pose. God, England, just turn around already! He stayed there though, and I heard him rummaging through his stuff some more.

"A blow up mattress," and for a second I thought he was going to say blow-up _doll,_ which made me nearly fall off the bed. I caught myself, though. Reflexes like a cat, boys and girls. "Oh, can you look in the bedside table for the pump? I'm sure it's there..."

"Hahaha!" I laughed. "Why would you keep a pump next to your bed? Does your doll pop so easily that you thought it'd be more convenient to keep it near you at night?" I was on fire! These jokes just kept rolling out, ha ha!

"You bloody wanker...!" He exclaimed. I could tell that I was annoying him, heehee! That just made me laugh harder. "I swear, I ought to – Ugh, never mind. Just look in the drawer, would you?"

Luckily, I could still assume my awesome position while opening the drawer. My hand searched around, and I felt the pump.

"Yo, dude, I found it." Except, I pulled my hand back, I realised it wasn't a pump after all.

It was a dildo.

It was a big, thick, purple dildo.

It was _England's _big, thick, purple dildo.

And I was holding the shaft.

Oh...My...God.

"FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUU-!" I Fffffuuu'ed. "England! You... You...I.." Now, don't get me wrong, boys and girls. I found it incredibly hot that I had accidentally stumbled upon one of his sex toys – it was just the shock and the surprise that I couldn't wrap my head around. I mean.. Imagine this. Right now. There's me, laying provocatively on England's large bed, holing his dildo in my hand with wide eyes. Just – Just picture it. I didn't know whether to be creeped out, disgusted or turned on. It was like a weird mix of the three. And strangely enough, it was a good sort of feeling.

Of course, this just happened to be the exact moment when England came out of the closet (No pun intended).

"What's wrong, America? Did you break the..." He trailed off as he took in the sight of me. "Oh. _Oh._"

I just stared back at him with eyes the size of saucers.

Mmm, sauce.

"Dude..." I didn't know what to say, really. For once, the super-awesome-sexy-hero was lost for words. And that's pretty rare. Trust me, you guys. "...Uhmm."

His blush stained his face, his ears, and even his neck. I swear, he looked like a tomato. A damn fucking _sexy_ tomato.

"A-America? What the bloody fucking hell are you doing on my bed with... _that?" _His voice had risen, like, a whole octave. It was so funny. I smirked at him, holding up the dildo and looking at it closely.

"With what?" I had lowered my voice, sounding like sexy beast that I am. "With... this~?" Oh, fuck it. It was now or never.

Opening my mouth slightly, I gave a tentative lick to the head.

Thank god he had washed it since his last use.

Now, guys 'n gals, his reaction was one I'll never forget. Once my tongue had touched the tip of it, he made this really girly squeak, _somehow_ going even redder. Like, seriously. I hadn't even thought that was possible. His hands went to cover his mouth, and I could see his muscles clenched tight. His eyes squeezed shut out of what I guessed was embarrassment. Now, that wouldn't do. I wanted him to _watch me. _I audibly moaned and wrapped my lips around the head of it, and he peeked one eye open to watch me. Feeling triumphant, I never took my eyes off him while I gave his dildo a blowjob.

Why was I doing this? Because I'm the United States of fucking America.

I do what I want, when I want. 'Nuff said.

Slowly, as I continued, he opened both eyes. This made me proud of myself and I started to go deeper. Like, almost deepthroating it. Buttttt... not quite. He just stood there, watching me with this expression on his face that I couldn't quite place. Was it lust...? It looked more like shock, but I continued anyway. I smirked from around the dildo, winking at him.

Truthfully, the toy tasted like boring old plastic. There was no flavour at all! It made me feel like I was sucking off a piece of Lego or something, LOL. I was _just _about to stop, when I noticed a little detail that made me grin.

I was chubbing him up.

_I. _As in, me. America. The USA. Alfred F Jones. I was chubbing England up.

"Pfft, dude," I said, taking the thing out of my mouth for a second. "Is that Big Ben in your trousers, or are you just excited to see me?" His hands clenched into fists at his sides while I continued to snicker.

"You-! You bloody git, it's your fault anyway!" Oh~ I liked where this was going.

"...What do you mean, Iggy?" I actually knew exactly what he meant. I just wanted to hear it come out of his pretty little mouth. Sighing, he looked down.

"It's your fault, because you looked so... So..." I waited.

"Sexy?"

"Well, yes. But you looked so...Hmm, what's the word?"

"Heroic? Awesome? Delicious? Seductive?"

"Oh! Yes! You looked so seductive on my bed like that, it was only a natural reaction!" He said it so defensively, I had to hold back all my LOLZ. Then, slowly, he looked up at me. "...America?"

"Yeah?"

"How do you know what seductive even means?" He had his head tilted slightly, so I could see the skin on his neck. Oh, you don't know how much I wanted to taste his skin. It was just this massive, overwhelming feeling. I swallowed hard and tried to focus on his _eyes_ and not the bulge in his pants or the neck that he was flaunting oh so devilishly. They're so green~!

"...France." He opened his mouth again, but I cut him off. "Don't even ask, dude."

He shook his head, the red on his cheeks fading to this pinkish colour. "Right. Well, I'm terribly sorry, America. I'll just..heh. Take care of this, eh?" Gesturing to his 'Big Ben' or whatever he liked to call it, I had to bite my lip. Gahh! I felt like ripping off all his clothes and just fucking him right then and there. But I needed those tickets, we couldn't mess around. We were already late as it was! He turned to go to what I assumed would be the bathroom.

"...W-wait!" I yelled, and he stilled in his tracks. Ugh! Why was I stuttering? Heroes aren't meant to stutter, guys. D: "M-maybe.. Maybe I could help you, Arthur." When I said his name my voice went lower, turning silky. It was pretty darn awesome, y'all. I felt pretty badass.

Turing back towards me, he spoke in about the same kinda tone I was speaking in. "Are you implying what I think you're implying, mister Alfred Jones?" Holy shit. When he said my name, my breath hitched slightly. He was getting me all hot and bothered, and he didn't even know it, y'all!

"Well, I mean.. I was the reason you popped a boner, I guess it'd only be fair if I helped you get rid of it. Heh. Yeah." Good save, am I right? Now I could still touch him in his most naughtiest of places, and he wouldn't know about my massive crush on him that I've had for years! This was, like, perfect. If I do say so myself. And I do say so! :D

He looked like he was really thinking about it. It made me worried, I admit it. I thought he was going to horribly reject me. But then I thought, I'm America! There's no way he would reject _me_. For the record, there's no way _anybody _would reject me. So I sat there and waited for an answer.

"I... I suppose so. It would only be fair, as you said." He finally nodded at me, and I let go of a breath I didn't know I had been holding. I felt myself grinning even wider, and I gave him a 'come hither' look. He did as he was told.

I tried not to LOL as the word 'obedient' came to mind.

He looked at the sheets with his hands in his lap. Was he nervous? The fact that he as nervous made me nervous. That's a lot of nervousness, boys and girls. Like... Do the two cancel each other out? Do two negatives make a positive?

I think I might need to brush up on my mathematations, y'all.

"What do you want me to do for you?" I asked all sexily, trying to make him feel more comfortable with the situation.

There was a pause as he thought about it.

"I... I want you to, er..." The blush on his cheeks returned full force. It was so cute, you guys! Just like guuuuhhhh stop being so cute and let's fuck.

"Mmmn?" I raised an eyebrow at him.

"I want... you to..." England sighed. "I want you to suck me off. Please." Gahh, I knew it! He's even polite when asking something as crude as that! I gave him an awesome smile while giving the thumbs up. Phew~! I thought he was going to ask me to do some weird kinky shit to him, and even though I have a very open mind, I do have my limits.

But I was totally fine with sucking him off :D

"Okay, dude! That's easy!" I paused. "...Wait. Oh, shit. I meant, like, easy because it wasn't something really kinky and gross. I didn't mean it as in easy because I've sucked a lot of dicks before. But don't get the wrong idea! I get around! I just... Wait what the fuck was I talking about...? Oh, yeah! I'm not an amateur or anything, okay? So you don't have to worry about me biting your cock off or something; I know not to use my teeth and stuff-"

"America." He totally cut me off! But he looked and sounded really sexy right then so I forgave him. Sexy times were about to happen, y'all!

"Huh?" What could be so important that he had to interrupt me in the middle of my awesome speech? Gosh!

"Shut up and kiss me, you bloody git." Oh. I was more than happy to~!

So, if you've forgotten by now, here's how we were positioned. I was kinda half-laying-half-sitting on England's bed, still holding his dildo in one hand, while he sat on the edge of it, next to me.

And, since I couldn't really reach him from where I was, he crawled onto me. He was like, straddling me. I could feel his hard on pressing against me, guys! I was like :O but in a good way because I knew that I was the one who was making him like that.

Hesitantly, he leaned forward. He smelled nice, guys. I can't really describe it to y'all, but it was like... intoxicating. Looking down at me with his green eyes (and massive eyebrows), he placed his lips against mine.

Sparks went flying through my whole body. Not even kidding. The feeling was so intense, it actually made me gasp out loud. Instead of laugh out loud. Would that mean I GOL'd? I don't know. This isn't the time to ponder life's mysteries, guys! That time is in the shower. You know what I mean, right? We all do it. Like, spend five minutes actually washing ourselves and then a hour just thinking about things.

The fuck was I talking about? Oh, yeah. I gasped. Then, England took that opportunity to sneak his tongue into my mouth.

That cheeky bastard.

That cheeky, sexy bastard.

I could feel his lips smirking. Well, guess what I did? I smirked right back at him. Automatically, my hands went to tangle up in his hair, and my eyes shut. I think his did too, but I couldn't tell. My eyes were closed, remember? Haha, silly. I can't see if my eyes aren't open~!

Yeah, so, we totally started to make out. And it seemed that all his hesitance had vanished once his tongue plunged into my mouth. Our tongues fought for dominance, and as skilled as England was, I won - of course.

Is it weird of me to say if felt like our tongues were dancing? Because it totally felt like that. And, it was stimulating, too. The way he rubbed his tongue all around my mouth felt nice, like a pulsing sort of thing. He moaned into the kiss, sending vibrations down my spine. Gahh! It made me shiver. I think he felt it, because he chuckled softly as his hands ran up and down my sides.

We continued to make out, devouring each other as if we were hungry or something. Which I kinda was, but that's not important at the moment.

Unfortunately, there's this thing called oxygen. And we need it to survive.

Damn. :I

Iggy pulled back, a thin line of saliva connecting the two of us before it snapped. We were both panting and everything. It was pretty hot, dudes! Sorry my words can't really describe the hotness of the situation. I'm not very good with words, y'all.

"...Mmmn," said England. He was looking at me with those eyes, those greenish greeny green coloured eyes. "I always knew your mouth had a better purpose than shovelling food in it and being obnoxious."

"Hey! You don't say that to someone who's about to suck you off, dude!"

He chuckled. "Right. Well, get to it, then, would you?"

Gosh! I think I liked him better when he was acting like a pussy! Not all demanding and bossy and stuff.

"Fine. Get off me, then."

"Ah. Of course." LOL, how could you forget something like that?

England crawled off me, going to sit on the edge of the bed. I noticed he was still hard, and I was like, _woah dude why didn't you say anything sooner 'coz that looks like it's painful. _

He noticed me staring at his crotch and he flashed me a smirk.

"Like what you see~?" He said it smugly. I rolled my eyes and hopped off the bed, throwing the dildo somewhere. I didn't know where but at that moment I didn't really give a fuck.

"Pfft, whatever," I said, kneeling down on the floor and placing myself between his legs. "I can't actually _see_ anything yet, dude." We were both still clothed, remember? So I heroically started to work on his belt, throwing it to the side. I don't know where that went, either, ha ha! Probably with the dildo or something, LOL.

He lifted his butt for me to take off his pants. Once I had pulled them off, I put them next to me. And don't y'all worry about the shoes because he wasn't wearing any, mmk? And I had kicked mine off before. You guys should know this already, though! Pay attention, gosh.

Then he looked down at himself, and a blush spread over his whole face. "...Shit."

At first, I was confused. But then I looked down.

"...What." I said, not asked. Said. "..Why... Why do you have the American flag on your boxers, Iggy?" I thought he was going to tell me off for calling him Iggy, but I guess he was too embarrassed to care about that at the moment.

"Well, er, it's not... Uhm. Well. I – It's a long story, y-you see," he was stuttering and it was making me laugh.

"Pfft! We don't have time for long stories!" I was still laughing. "It doesn't matter anyway, dude. They're going to come off one way or another."

"Touché."

I looked back up at him. "Dude, there's no time for French words!"

He rolled his eyes. "There's no time to be talking about how there's no time, git."

"Touché." That was me. England gave me an amused looked and I went back to taking off his boxers that had my flag on 'em. Pfft, that still amused me.

Like, seriously? If he wanted me in his pants so badly he could've just asked.

In one fluid motion, the boxers had come off and I was face-to-face (face-to-cock? I don't know. I shall have to ponder that next time I'm in the shower.) with England's hard, throbbing, swollen, delicious—

Ahem. I'm getting off track. I was face-to-cock with England's, well, cock, obviously.

I stared at it for a second. Wow! England was, and still is, pretty big~!

"Well?" He said.

I decided just to blurt out what I was thinking. Like always. "Is that thing going to even fit..?" Apparently, he thought it was funny, because he chuckled. I crossed my arms and pouted.

"Considering the fact that you can fit six hotdogs inside your mouth at a time..." Gahh, right. You guys don't know about that. Well, once I had set up a hotdog eating competition with the other countries, and I, being the best mother-trucking country out there, won. France came second to me, being able to fit about the same but he threw up so that doesn't count. "..It would be logical to presume that you can fit my cock into your mouth."

"Y-yeah. I guess." Lightly, I ran my fingers over the length of it. He gasped.

Without further ado, I slid his cock into my mouth. I'd say.. about just the head was in. England groaned really loud, and his hands balled into sheets, crinkling them. At first I was like 'no those sheets loved me!' but then I realised I probably should move my mouth a little.

Why the fuck did he taste like whipped cream...?

I used my tongue, too. Swirling around the head and the stuff. After a little bit of that, I started to bob my head. England seemed happy when I did that, because he started to moan with every thrust of my head.

"Oh... _OH." _He said that after I stimulated the spot that I always liked on myself – right under the tip of it. Guess he liked it too! Yay, something we have in common :D "B-bloody hell, America..." I smirked slightly.

Pulling his dick out of my mouth, I ran my tongue along the underside of it, and across the vein there. He shuddered against me, his hands going down to my head. With my hand, I worked the balls.

Because, you can _never_ forget about the balls. Nevar. Evar.

My mouth went back to the tip of it. Just lightly sucking, my tongue doing that weird thing I was doing before. His breath was getting all ragged and stuff.

"P-please," I stopped momentarily. He sounded so desperate! "Stop teasing me, you git..."

I shrugged. "Okey."

Then I got down to the _real _business. Slowly, I relaxed my throat muscles, letting him disappear inch by inch into my mouth.

When it was all in my mouth, he looked down and smirked at me. "It fits," he said. I was about to respond, but then he said: "And don't you even _dare_ take my cock out of your mouth so you can say something back to me."

How did he know? :O

Well, anyway. He still tasted like whipped cream! It was weird. But not bad. I love whipped cream! So I started to bob my head, rough and fast. Yeah, the back of my throat hurt. And it probably was going to hurt like a bitch afterwards. But I don't think that was really on my mind then. I was too busy sucking the guy I've been fantasising about for years off, LOL.

A few minutes into it, he started to make really whiney noises. He was arching his back up, thrusting himself deeper into my mouth. And I couldn't really do anything but just take it, so I did. All I could hear was the sound of my name being chanted, with the occasion grunt or moan, too. It was so sexy, you guys. By now my boner was hurting like hell. Ha, what, did you forget about me or something? Of course I'd be hard! But I did this all for England. Because I'm a hero and awesomely nice.

Yeah.

Then, he pushed my head down deeper, onto him. Now – I know that I don't have much of a gag reflex, but still! That shit _hurt. _I was choking a little bit, but I don't think he heard me over the _sound of how freaking awesome I am at giving head. _

Not that I'm a manwhore or anything. I'm just naturally talented. At everything I do.

"Ohh.. Oh, my god, America... Bloody fucking hell..." He had totally taken over, now. It kinda irked me, like, I wanted to be in control! But I couldn't do much to protest. He had my head held tightly at the base of his cock, while he thrusted into the very, very back of my throat. "Lord, your _mouth..._It's so warm, so wet..." His voice gradually got more and more strained. "So fucking – ah – good, you have no idea.."

His eyes squeezed shut, and suddenly _everything _got erratic. His thrusts, his breathing, even his _moans. _

So I knew it was coming. (Haha double meanings.)

"H-Holy fuck, oh! Oh! Ah, God!" Yep, he started to come. "Ah... AH! AMMMEEERRRIICCAAA!"

Doesn't mean I didn't choke, though. It just kept on going! Spurt after spurt of the stuff, warm and wet and _sticky, _shooting down the back of my throat. The taste is something I can't really explain to you – mind you, I couldn't really taste much of it anyway – but it was kinda... bitter. Not bitter like, 'OH MY GOD GET THIS HORRID STUFF OUT OF MY MOUTH AND CONDEM IT TO THE DEPTS OF HELL WHERE NOBODY SHALL EVER TASTE THIS GHASTLY ABOMINATION EVER AGAIN!' but more like, 'This kinda tastes gross. But nothing the awesome America can't handle!'

I didn't mind the taste. The thing I minded was that I was choking and England was still balls-deep inside of my mouth, still not moving! I squirmed around a bit, trying to make some sound come out of my mouth before I passed out. But then England made a pleased noise and I realised I was making vibrations while I was screaming, so I stopped.

_Finally_, when I was on the brink of collapsing, he let go of my head and pulled out. I was panting like crazy.

"DUDE!" I exclaimed right after I swallowed his bitter seed. "You nearly _killed me!_"

"Pfft." He was looking at me with this totally dopey smile. You all know the one. Like, that smile you have right after an orgasm. "_Nearly. _But I didn't, did I?"

"That's totally not the point!" I pouted at him, wiping my chin with my sleeve at the come that had dribbled down.

England tilted his head, his voice still in the post-orgasm tone. "Then what's the point, love?"

"..." Dang. I really have trouble with my points, don't I? Heh.

"That's what I thought." He paused, all smug and stuff. "Now, this time, I can do you-"

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF HOTDOGS ON A STICK!" I yelled. When he said time, I realised how late we actually were! My tickets! My beautiful tickets! We'd spent like, forty-five minutes here! D:

"...The fuck?"

"We need to go, now!" I hopped off the floor from when I had been crouching and started to rummage through his bedside table. "Get your clothes on, okay? I found the pump." I had no time for another joke about pumps, y'all. But if you have anymore, put them in the form of a review so I can tell them to England and LOL the day away, yeah?

England stood up all shakily, like his legs couldn't support him or something. Even so, he managed to find his boxers and pants and shoes. And he put them on.

"..Oh, right." He said after a little bit of his sanity returned to him. "I forgot that we were meant to be getting those tickets, heh."

"It's not funny!" I said, shoving the pump into his arms. "Help me find that mattress you were looking for!"

He somewhat stumbled into the closet, coming out a few minutes later with the mattress. It wasn't inflated. I guess that's why we needed the pump.

England handed it to me. "Here."

"Good," I said in my awesome voice that makes people aroused. "What else d'you think we'll need?"

"Well, it might be a little bit chilly outside..." I grabbed the sheets off his bed and pulled, hugging it close to me.

"Let's bring this, then." I was talking in a rush. "Please? Just, don't argue with me. I'm a hero and therefore always right so let's get your butt downstairs and let's stop wasting time by just standing here talking!" Taking a deep breath, I shoved him forward and we both went out of the room, leaving England's dildo to sit alone in his room somewhere, alone and forgotten.

Hahahaha! Like I even cared about that at the moment! I was going to get me some Teletubby tickets!

"Ah...We may also need a few umbrellas, in case it rains." That was the first thing he said as we went downstairs.

"...Ugh. Fine. Where are they?"

"Next to the door."

"Alright," I said. "Come on."

"O-okay. Just a minute, I need to get something." He sounded really nervous, but I thought nothing of it. As he rushed off upstairs to get whatever it is he was getting, I took two umbrellas from beside the door and added it to the pile of things we were gonna need for our awesome camp out.

He came back down. Finally!

"About time dude. What were you getting?" He wasn't holding anything.

"...Oh. It's nothing. Forget it." So he just wasted my time? GOSH! I opened the door to head out, but England stopped me.

"Dude, what the hell?" Seriously, I wanted to get going!

"...You're still hard."

Oh.

Right.

That's when I looked down and realised, that indeed, I was still hard.

"Shit!" I exclaimed, giving England all the stuff that I had been holding. I started to run to the bathroom.

"You know, I could help you take care of it, love!" He called out. I was already inside the bathroom door and I shucked off my pants.

"No thanks, dude!" I called back. "Even though that's mighty appealing, it'll take way too long!"

So I masturbated like I never masturbated before.

**X **

**There we go~! There's the first part. Heh. Hope you enjoyed and, stay tuned for the next one~!**


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